Ten Debate Questions for Sarah Palin

I know where I’ll be tomorrow. I’ll be glued to the TV watching the Biden-Palin debate. I’ll be talking back at the TV. I’ll have my TiVo ready. I’ll have pretzels and a margarita by my side. Oh, yes! It’s on! The debate will be hosted by Gwen Ifill, host of Washington Week with Gwen Ifill on PBS and a senior correspondent on NewsHour with Jim Lehrer. Ifill, a respected veteran journalist, will be free to stump the running mates with both domestic and foreign policy questions. Ball of confusion!

So what will Ifill ask Palin? Let’s see. Please explain the Wall Street bailout? How should we approach our relationship with China? What policies do you recommend for unwed mothers? How do you envision your role as VP? Or, perhaps, what is the Cookie Monster’s favorite snack? Yadda, yadda, yadda. Who cares? Any question is likely to confuse Palin and induce a rambling response only a pothead college freshman could understand.

Nevertheless, I decided to come up with ten questions Ifill should ask Palin.

1. If asked, would you quit the McCain ticket? In a recent piece, Kathleen Parker, a conservative columnist for the National Review Online, called for Sarah Palin to drop out of the race citing her recent interview gaffes. Parker’s piece started a steady flow of doubts from other conservatives pundits. My take? “Don’t do it, Palin.” The Dems need you so Obama can clinch a landslide victory on November 4.

2. Are those prescription glasses that you are wearing, or are they just a fashion statement? Yes, this is a petty question but fashionistas around the world need to know. After all, thousands of women are dropping $400 and wait listing for a chance to have Palin’s … ummm… look.

3. It has been written that you would oppose abortion even in the case of rape or incest. Would your position change if your daughter was raped by a pedophile uncle who is HIV-positive? If you oppose an abortion in this instance, would you raise the child the same way you would your other grandchild? This is Palin’s Dukakis moment. While her mind would say HELL YES get the abortion, her religious beliefs would force her to say NO abortion! Yeah, right!

4. Have you asked Pastor Muthee to put a hex on Obama or to bless you to become Vice President? It’s well known by now that Kenyan Pastor Thomas Muthee “blessed” Palin in 2005 at her Wasilla church to ward off witchcraft and to pray for her to win the Alaskan gubernatorial election. This summer, Palin fondly reflected on Muthee’s blessing as key to her winning the election. Given her history with Muthee, one would expect her to ask him to bless her once again and, perhaps, to put a hex on Obama. Don’t believe me? Check out the videos of Palin on YouTube. They’re scary!!!!

5. If you lose the election, will you apply to become a SNL cast member? The bazaar twists and turns of the 2008 Presidential Election has breathed new life into Saturday Night Live. Surprisingly, the addition of Palin to the McCain campaign has boosted Tina Fey’s notoriety from all around great writer and actress to icon. Despite the public attention, Fey has been reluctant to play Palin. So assuming McCain/Palin loses, should Palin make a move to SNL? Hmmmm? Nix that, Palin’s had her 15 minutes.

6. Is your belief that dinosaurs and man coexisted on earth based on the movie Jurassic Park? Don’t laugh. Stephen Braun, Los Angeles Times Staff Writer, recently reported that Palin repeated this coexistence theory on at least two occasions in recent years. If you think the United States trails the world in science now, just imagine our predicament if McCain/Palin wins. Please, please, please let Obama win.

7. Have you read any of the following books? If not, would you read them if you receive them as a gift? I’d be stunned if she has even heard, let alone read, ANY of these books.

a. Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
b. 1984 by George Orwell
c. An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
d. The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
e. Sophie’s Choice by William Styron
f. Beloved by Toni Morrison
g. Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
h. The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne
i. The United States Constitution
j. Diary of Anne Frank by Anne Frank
k. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
l. Faith of My Fathers by John McCain
m. Dreams from My Father by Barack Obama

8. Not including the Bible, what are your five favorite books? This should be a laugher!

9. We’ve heard that your husband, Todd, has played a major role in your governance of Alaska. What role do you foresee him playing in the Vice President’s office if you are elected? Her answer should be interesting (and convoluted) since she doesn’t see anything wrong with his participation in her office now.

10. What are your five favorite movies? Let me guess. Being There, Alice in Wonderland or The Manchurian Candidate. Oh, I can’t wait to her hear answer.

If you have suggested debate questions for Ifill, contact her at http://www.pbs.org/weta/washingtonweek/thisweek.html.

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Washington Redskins Defeat the Dallas Cowboys(girls)!

The Washington Redskins thumped the Dallas Cowgirls at home 26-24 on Sunday propelling Washington into a second place tie with Dallas in the NFL East Division. Redskins QB, Jason Campbell, continued to shine under new head coach Jim Zorn. The Redskins' defense was stellar too. One play after another, the Redskins stymied the over-hyped Cowgirls’ offense forcing QB Tony Romo to make inaccurate passes under pressure.

Cowgirls owner Jerry Jones twisted his face in disgust at the lost to his hated rival AT HOME! The game turns out to be the last game the Redskins will play at Texas Stadium before the Cowgirls move to their new stadium next year. Hey, you suck!

It got better after the game. Terrell Owens (TO) went nuts in the postgame press conference complaining that he wasn’t given the ball enough to make big plays. What an idiot! Romo threw 18 passes to TO completing only 7. Washington’s defense was on its A-Game and TO was marginalized. See you November 16 in Washington you cry baby! Hey TO, you suck!

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Did McCain Curse During the Debate?

So McCain decided to show up for the first presidential debate. Surprise, surprise. The geriatric drama queen swooped into Oxford, Mississippi sporting a tattered cape and a disposition that would make the Grinch proud. Showing no shame for causing the breakdown of a bipartisan Wall Street bailout deal, McCain flaunted his grumpy old man persona throughout the entire debate. Most notably, he never looked at Obama during the debate. And while McCain never overtly lost his cool as we’d hoped, some pundits are citing evidence that he cursed at Obama under his breath. Debate audio seems to indicate that McCain mumbled “horsesh*t” twice while Obama spoke. The video is making the rounds on YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1rZBmk0DYU&feature=related and the blogosphere. Listen and judge for yourself.

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